May 3, 2021. Last updated May 4, 2021.

My girlfriend and I are the guardians of a cat, Hamza. He is simultaneously both very cute and also very the devil himself. For example:

draw me like one of your french girls or else I'll destroy your blinds

At first glace he’s all ‘draw me like one of your French girls’ but in reality he is just taking a quick break from destroying the cord of our blinds.

This page is primarily for friends and family brave and generous enough to take care of him while we’re away from home.


All food is on the smol shelves in the hallway by the kitchen.

Daily he gets two cans of wet food and one heaping scoop of dry food—scooper is in the jar of dry food on the top shelf there. We usually do half of that twice a day but all of it once a day is totally fine.

The food plate is on the floor right next to the shelves. Old plates you can throw in the dishwasher and fresh plates are in the far left cabinet of the kitchen. Recycling is the paper bag on the floor near the external kitchen door.


He has a water fountain on the ground by the piano. It occasionally turns on and bubbles. It’s quite reliable, but if you stare at it for three minutes and it never bubbles or if it has a blue light on, put out a bowl of water I guess.


His litter box is in the bathroom. If you see poop in there plz scoop. There are small plastic bags under the bathroom sink—after knotting them feel free to drop them in the kitchen trash.


He has some treats in the hallway closet, hanging on the other side of the closet door. Purebites chicken as well as minnows. They are cheap and healthy for him so give him tons of treats and he will love you. A fun game: if you can find a whole or mostly whole minnow, on the sisal rope-wrapped pole in the living room you can wedge a minnow high up between two layers of rope and he’ll climb the pole like a tree to get it. Please keep Hamza out of the closet and keep the closet door closed.

will climb trees for minnows


He has toys in the same spot in the closet. He particularly likes to bat the little plastic springs around and play with the wand. You can get him to jump pretty high with the wand—start at around six feet and see how high you can get him to jump. You can leave the springs out when you leave but put the wands away as sometimes he tries to eat parts of it. And again please remember to close the closet door so he doesn’t wreak havoc in there.

There is also a laser pointer hanging on the calendar in the hallway across from the bathroom.


Sometimes he gets too excited and bites too hard when playing. We’re working on it. If he does it to you… sorry for your pain, but also, congrats, it means he likes you. Feel free to spray him with a squirt bottle if he’s being extra.

Other things to watch out for:

humans are trees right?


Thank you so much! Please help yourself to the hallway spirit collection. Cocktail tools are in the corner cabinet to the left of the sink and glassware is in the freezer. Wine-based liquors and syrups are in the fridge.